“I don't get credit for using synonyms
in place of words I can't spell."
Monday Lisa's Podcast
the audio version of her columns
by Dr. Terry Martin (a.k.a. Monday Lisa) and Bob Cayne Sept 21, 2020
Will Rogers said, “Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.”
No argument here, we are all ignorant in some way. How can we possibly know everything? What a burden that would be.
Ignorance is one of life’s damaging realities. Those who are most ignorant spread misinformation and they do it subconsciously.
False communication is contagious.
If you’ve never changed your mind about an important belief, or questioned your fundamental opinions and have no inclination to do so, then you are ignorant about things you think you understand.
Find someone who believes, behaves, or handles certain aspects of life differently from you. Have a straightforward, friendly conversation with them. Discover how their mind works, see how they articulate their values and core beliefs.
Hopefully you will come away with new prospectives, an awareness of your shortcomings and a more open mind.
Make a list of thoughts and reminders that will help you grow. Misunderstandings in life can be avoided if you ask yourself:
What else could this mean? Maybe it’s not about me? Let’s look at the middle ground.
Unfortunately, too few people seek new knowledge each day. That leaves them with a distorted view of the world. When they get comfortable with what they think they know, they stop questioning. That’s dangerous, don’t you think?
Common people with good intentions who make snap judgements and take things at face value are dangerous. They act without asking questions.
If someone maneuvers you and you don’t ask questions, or ask the wrong ones, they don’t worry about how they answer. This is called emotional manipulation.
What goes around comes around. No one becomes strong by making someone else small. Every person you meet or know is learning something, is afraid of something; loves something, and has lost something. Keep that in mind. Be careful, don’t humiliate people you disagree with.
Judge them by the questions they ask, rather than the answer they give. Asking the right question is the answer. Listen for it.
I have a few new tools for your tool belt that will come in handy. Use them to help you fight your war against ignorance and enhance your happiness.
• Be present. And have patience with everything that remains unexplained.
• Just because you don’t understand or agree with something, doesn’t mean it isn't happening.
• Engage with people, including those who think differently.
• Ask questions. Statements close down understanding.
• Learn new ways to think.
• Above all, listen and give feed back.
See you next Monday
Never Forget. Never, Ever.
by Dr. Terry Martin (a.k.a. Monday Lisa) and Bob Cayne 9/11/2020
As the second plane hit the second tower, I turned to my friends and said, "We're at war."
A group of us, all from New York City were horrified watching the TV coverage in a Virginia breakfast shop. My mind raced to my loved ones; where were they, and were they safe? We frantically dialed cell phones searching for them. But the lines were dead, there was no service.
An announcement came that the Pentagon was being targeted. We were just a few miles from the pentagon. None of us knew what that meant. In some ways, we still don't.
My anxiety heightened. We scattered, headed for our families––assuming we could reach them. Picking up kids at school, dialing frantically again and again on phones with no service. Traffic was redirected, alternate routes heightened our family gathering anxiety.
Separation, isolation and lack of communication prevailed.
Gratefully, my family and friends were safe. But all Virginia residents
knew someone who knew someone who lost someone.
Months later while attending a gathering in New York everybody seemed to know someone who had been lost. I, too, felt lost, I lost the person I was.
On September 11, 2001, anxiety became part everybody’s life. Depression set in, isolation and distrust, as well. People suffered from lack of sleep and nightmares. I worked with patients, who could no longer board an elevator or be in a closed-off room. Their fear was horrible.
In 2020, nineteen years later, between quarantining and social distancing we are in closed-off rooms and afraid to ride elevators. We avoid strangers––there could be Covid-19 behind those masks. Aggressive anxiety is back in the headlines.
Anxieties have been heightened by the virus, especially for people who’ve dealt with past trauma. As the quarantine comes to a close are there new rules of conduct? How do we act when we meet people? Should we be cautious when we enter locations for the first time? Will we be uneasy when we say hi to our neighbors?
Rather than feeling uncomfortable around people, with therapeutic coaching you can be confident and relaxed. Why worry about how you look or what you should say, when conversations can flow naturally?
It can be like a phoenix rising from the ashes at Ground Zero for you.
We’ve had a long, hard road back from a place many of us had never been before.
I mourn the loss of the old me, but I’m thankful for what it has allowed me to become. Perhaps a new you can emerge from the events of 2020.
by Dr. Terry Martin (a.k.a. Monday Lisa) and Bob Cayne Sept. 7, 2020
What if you could change your life?
How many things would you change?
What if you want to change just one thing? How about your job, your marriage or a relationship, your behavior…the way you feel, think and act?
How would you go about it? Would you know where to start?
You might fumble around for an answer. “Hey, good question, I haven’t changed all that much. But I often think, ‘what if?’”
True confession is probably a good place to start. The hard part is admitting that you’re in uncharted waters.
Let’s say you want to work on your job performance. Begin by doing things that are springboards to success. Get a good night’s sleep, wake up eager to face the day, get to work on time, say no to water cooler gossip, hire better employees.
If you spend quality time figuring out ways to get customers in the front door, spend the same amount of time analyzing customer losses that go out the back door.
Challenge the way things are done. Chances are pretty good that today’s policies, practices and procedures will be different tomorrow. Think outside the box. Be discovery driven. Technology moves at warp speed.
Here’s a what if to mull over: What if Thomas Edison and Alexander Graham Bell were three martini lunch guys?
Ask yourself what if questions about your personal life. Stretch your imagination. Make a list––a what if list––of things that will improve your quality of life. Build hope out of the process.
What if I joined a club? I could use it for customer entertainment and widen my circle of friends. That would be an important and good thing, and my family would enjoy the recreation and dining facilities.
What if I made a point of giving back? What if I did charity work to raise money for an organization? What if I fed the hungry at a food bank?
What if I took advantage of my covered health insurance benefits by getting an annual wellbeing physical that includes a full-body scan?
What if I worked out at a gym, got in shape, even stopped eating after 7:00PM?
Choose things that have rewarding benefits. Visualize the end result. Answer what if questions with firm conviction to take the necessary steps. Indulge yourself. Change the quality of your life.
by Dr. Terry Martin (a.k.a. Monday Lisa) and Bob Cayne
Bullying is a way of harming vulnerable people. Regardless of age or social status, there are people who bully and belittle others.
Name calling and making fun of others begins at playgrounds. Parents are not always aware that their child is being bullied. At school, teachers have trouble keeping up with the severity of the problem.
In adult life, bullying extends beyond meanness. Bullies intend to harm their targets with physical or verbal aggression over a period of time.
Bullies in the workplace use aggressive behavior, verbal abuse and misuse authority to sabotage a victim’s job.
Bullying need not be done in person. Emails, chat rooms, blogs and social media are avenues for exerting power and hurting victims through harassment, stalking, name calling, gossiping––even spreading threats. Unfortunately, cyber bullying can be carried out anonymously. Victims may have no idea their attacker is.
There is a proper way to respond to bullies, though it’s not easy to deflect aggressive behavior when you are confronted by a person taking a hard stance. When someone wants to air their laundry retain your dignity. Their pain is their pain, don’t let them make it yours. Walk away. Detach yourself from their abuse and biased opinions. Contain your emotions even if you’ve reached the boiling point.
When confronted by a person taking a hard stance, someone who wants to air their laundry, keep your head, it’s important to stay calm. Just listen, even if they go on and on. The bully hopes to get a reaction. Don’t give them one by interjecting while they’re revved up. Let them talk until they run out of air.
Model the behavior you expect from others. When someone foists their hostility and drama on you, ignore their antics.
Decide if you can productively resolve their problem while listening to them. Be compassionate. Speak without raising your voice. Calmness demonstrates strength and conviction and de-escalates challenging situations.
Bullies usually have a hard time defending themselves. They think they are better than you and don’t expect you to fight back.
If you disagree with a manipulative or difficult person and can’t take positive control of the conversation, change the subject. Steer them away from pity parties, drama, and self-absorbed sagas.
Establish a healthy, reasonable boundary. Maintain physical space. Be conscious of your feelings and needs. Think about times when you’ve resented fulfilling another person’s needs. If you’ve been bullied did you play into what the bully wanted by confronting them?
Bullies can’t exist without victims. Show a train wreck that you aren’t their station.
It’s Time For a 1,000 Mile Inspection
by Dr. Terry Martin (a.k.a. Monday Lisa) and Bob Cayne August 24, 2020
Gather round everybody, let’s take inventory. It’s time for your 1,000-mile inspection. (Relax, I’m not running a service department where we put you up on a lift.)
It’s time to think about the way you live; what you do with your time, the people you associate with, your career, your pleasures and frustrations. This year has been a lulu, one that deserves to be put under a microscope.
What has it been like conducting your life shuttered away from civilization? Have you been piddling away time, oblivious to or turning your back on what your options might be?
Sadly, much of the human population has been resisting opportunity instead of seizing opportunity––like they’re stuck in a perpetual cycle of resistance. The quarantine did more harm than good, no argument here, and some folks actually enjoyed being closed off. But now we need to return to normal.
If you are trapped in the cycle, for heaven’s sake, change your mindset.
Doesn’t your inner-wisdom tell you, things aren’t right? Let go; adopt a new outlook on life.
Forget about how you wish things would be, that’s magical thinking. Dare the world to make you smile. Be open to opportunity. Create space for acceptance, learning and growth.
Learn from your mistakes, and the mistakes of others. See the world through unbiased eyes.
Step forward with a clear, focused mind. It's all about accepting what is, letting go of what was, and having faith in your journey.
Things may be very different. So what? Close the door on the last chapter, turn the page. Muster the strength to abandon parts of your life that are over. This is no time to look over your shoulder.
Attend to the present. No fair fretting about what could have been or should have been. Those things belong in a trash bin, and not a recycle bin.
Letting go and committing to a new lifestyle isn’t easy. If you have to deal with unexpected challenges and chaos, you’re not the Lone Ranger, we all have them. We are venturing back to a world that has changed before our eyes.
It’s a journey that requires dedication. Travel it carefully, day-by-day. Your outlook on life and your self esteem will gradually improve.